As we recently united for this year’s 16 days of activism against gender-based violence, the focus has been mainly on this year’s theme: Unite to end digital violence against all women and girls. As the digital world rapidly expands and social media brings more visibility, the risk of digital violence is increasing. Yet alongside these emerging forms of violence against women, domestic violence continues to be persistently prevalent among women in our country.
It is a matter of concern that for many Nepali women, the place they call home is the most unsafe space for them. According to the Nepal Demographic Health Survey (NDHS) 2022, 27% of women had ever experienced physical, sexual, or emotional violence from their current or most recent husband or intimate partner. Among ever-married women or women who ever had an intimate partner experiencing physical violence, the most common perpetrators were current husbands/intimate partners (81%), followed by former husbands or intimate partners (14%). Other perpetrators at home were mothers-in-law (5%) and other in-laws (5%).
Among ever-married women or women who ever had an intimate partner experiencing sexual violence, the common perpetrators were the current husbands/intimate partners (82%) and former husbands/intimate partners (11%). The numbers reflect a painful truth: many women are unsafe not on the streets or in the digital world, but within their own homes, unsafe from their own family members and intimate partners.
The main reason for this is the deep-rooted patriarchy in our society. Domestic violence is often justified and regarded normal in Nepali societies. The NDHS report stated that 19% of women and 17% of men agreed that a husband is justified in beating his wife for specific reasons such as burning food, arguing with him, leaving the house without telling him, neglecting children or refusing sexual intercourse.
Expectations that women should tolerate violence and preserve the family prestige further reflect patriarchal norms prevailing in Nepali families. Women often prefer to stay silent and hide their suffering, possibly linked with fear and stigma and repercussions of disclosure. This implies that the apparent magnitude of the burden of domestic violence is far less than the real magnitude.
The time is now to start acting against this social problem. Here are a few things we can do to support women going through these experiences:
Recognise signs like fear, unexplained injuries, absenteeism at work or school, and sudden change in behaviour. Listen to them when they start sharing their experiences. Listen empathically, do not judge or make your own assumptions!
Before giving any advice, understand the person’s risks and ensure safety. Is the woman safe? Are there any threats to her children? Is the perpetrator monitoring her activities? Confidentiality is very important to ensure safety, do not tell others what the woman shares with you.
Help the survivor plan for her safety. A few things to have her prepared include hiding dangerous items out of reach of the perpetrator, having phone numbers of trusted friends / family /neighbour, having a code word with them, and hiding money and a copy of citizenship
Learn and inform about the available formal support services. There is provision in the Domestic Violence Offence and Punishment Act 2066 that a victim/survivor can report to any of the three different places free of cost: the local body, police, and National Women Commission. There are 261 Women, Children and Senior Citizen Service Centres operating within the Nepal police service in all 77 districts to combat all forms of inhumane acts against women, children, and senior citizens.
Many women do not know about the toll-free hotline (1145) run by the National Women’s Commission, which provides emergency relief to survivors of violence. Anyone can file a complaint regarding any act of violence through message, a physical visit to the commission, or online. It provides a range of services including immediate psycho-social counselling, legal assistance and safe shelter. Hospital-based One-stop Crisis Management Centres provide integrated services including comprehensive healthcare, legal aid, and counselling services as well as protection to survivors from one place.
Survivors might not choose to report violence and take any legal action against their perpetrators. We need to respect their decisions because they are the experts in their own lives, choosing to stay for various reasons. Research has shown that many women do not want to leave the relationship often due to economic dependency, safety of children, stigma, fear of retaliation, or simply because they do not feel it is the right time to leave. Our roles in such cases are to listen empathetically and in a non-judgmental manner, ensure safety, advise and assist in safety planning, and inform about the support services, including helpful numbers.
Further actions needed to prevent domestic violence in the long-term include confronting harmful gender norms and patriarchal beliefs – the root cause of violence against women. This cannot be achieved unless we include men and boys as allies. So, engaging them early to unlearn harmful masculinity and embrace empathy, respect and equality can really help build safer relationships within homes.
It is high time that we realised that violence is not only a “women’s issue”. Together, we can build a safe and understanding community that helps women really feel safe within their families, and truly call their homes, home, sweet home.